The Blog

If you're EMDing, I have been always DEing

Posted on May 22, 2013 at 8:55 AM

The night was still young and fresh. He grabbed two chairs and sat with his partner at the porch of the 30-seats bar they operate together. They both lit their first cigarettes of the evening, sipped from their instant-made coffees, and gazed at the first envoy of night-lovers flocking from the low end of the street.


The partner was from the Lebanese diaspora's generation. In easier terms, he was one of those Lebanese youngsters whom parents escaped Lebanon amid the early years of the Civil War and gave birth - and foreign citizenships - to their children overseas. He visited Lebanon for the first time when he was 18 years old and decided to settle for a while and got acquainted with his original roots. What is better than a pinch of Lebanese nightlife in doing so?


An hour later, the street became crowded but the bar remained empty. Both partners decided to get back inside and start a session of elaboration. In bar tending terms, this meant exploring new recipes and do some tasting tests. It is indeed a joyful experience though the only danger remains "unexpected side-effects". While engaged in their concoction mini-lab journey, a mid-aged woman and a regular customer came in. Early comers had always enjoyed a special treatment in that bar and this was one of the things that made it attractive for some drinkers.


He welcomed the couple, offered them two seats on the bar, and offered them an apero: two multilayered shots, bottomed by a syrup and topped by a 70% ABV liqueur - they call it Absinthe for those who have knowledge in spirits.


After a while, the bar turned overcrowded and another night of entertainment, wilderness and fake dreams kicked on. The mid-aged woman kept staring at him mixing one cocktail after another. He commented, "Don't tell me your dream was to be a barmaid, because you can jump over anytime". She smiled and replied, "No, I simply like to stare at you working!". The partner played the classic "Pour some sugar on me" - If you don't know what the hell this is, rush to the nearest music store and buy the Deff Leppard album. The customers asked for buzz and both partners stood on top of the bar, shook few cans of tonic spritzer, and sprayed over while shouting, "Let the madness begins" - yap, it is a quote borrowed from Ozzy Osbourne.


Few tracks followed and Joe Cooker's "You can leave your hat on!" was rocking the amplifiers. The mid-aged woman was still contemplating him shaking, moving, interacting, laughing and serving. He grasped her hand, mounted the floor's mid table and performed a "Dirty Dance" style strip shake for her. The bar's entertainment ambience reached its climax and customers started throwing few dollars in the air for a prolonged performance. With a 30-seats' capacity, regular customers easily felt partying at home while new ones had never found a problem immediately blending.


The prolonged session was over and the dancing-couple stepped off the table. The mid-aged woman approached him with sensual eyes, handed him a 50 bucks bill, and murmured, "It was a moment of free fun, better not think farer than that!". He did not like the comment, but could not do much either. The golden rule in the business did not change much since ages: The customer is always right.


She shared few laughters with her original companion at the bar, asked for the bill - not the 50 Dollars thingy but the consumption's one, paid and faded away. He filled a shot of hard liquor, swallow it at glance, lit a cigarette, and informed his partner that he will be taking a "5" break. In nightlife business, it is not always easy to maintain a distance between personal matters and customers' desires.


After five minutes, he joined back the bar, the night carried on, and the mid-aged woman became part of the outlet's history and another visiting face stuck on the memorial wall. At dawn - around 4:00 am, while the last threesome was discussing where to indulge in a lustful relationship, the mid-aged woman showed up again, this time alone. He got closer to her and said, "It is already 4:00 am. Officially, we are off duty, which implicates that you can not be served as a customer anymore. As you are not a friend either, know well that your presence is not that welcome. However, place your order at the bar and pay for it immediately please!". She gave him a placid speechless look, sat on the bar and order a beer from the partner. After receiving a hidden confirmation from him, the partner served the beer.


As the threesome reached a joyful conclusion, as it was written on their faces, and decided to leave, the partner apologised from him and hinted that he had to go. He was left with her alone, both keeping on their speechlessness. He locked the entrance door of the bar, ran towards her, squeezed her body next to the wall, and kissed her lips gently. She let herself go for a while then, as if waking up from a coma, she resisted. He stopped, gazed at her eyes, then gave it a second try. This time, she asked him to stop but her body was asking for the opposite. He murmured in her ears: "let me drive you home!" Like the hypnotised, she grasped her handbag and waited for him at the door.


Her house was dark although the daylight was already shining over Beirut city. She made sure all windows are closed and joined him in her bed. Few minutes after, she turned immobile, gave him a tender look and lanced: "I am too old for you. I am a mid-aged woman and EMDing". He could not hold his breath and broke down in laughter. He tried to turn her to the right side, but both fell on the ground. He answered, "You are doing what?". "EMDing my dear!", she replied. As she noticed that such a term was not recognised by him, she added, "Well, it means Early Menopause Depression!". Her eyes were fearing his reaction, but instead, he broke down with laughters again. "Are you making fun of me!", she hurled as her facial expressions turned grumpy. "Ah, no my dear. But if you are EMDing, I have been DEing since I was born …", he shoot. "And what the hell is DEing!", she immediately answered, with a surprising look. "Delayed Ejaculation, honey, that's what it is called".


The "EMD" and "DE" combination did not work well that night, so they decided to have a good sleep and share a cozy breakfast when they wake up. Once raised from their deep sleep, the underlined combination worked well and did not hamper a complete intercourse. He promised to come and pick her up the next day to catch her flight back home - she was not another Lebanese diaspora's generation but rather an overseas' alien.


He did not see her since she picked that flight to Lalaland. Nevertheless, every time he is DEing, he lays back, stares at the ceiling and smile while wondering if she is EMDing somewhere on planet Earth.

Categories: Night Talks

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